The Ultimate House Cleaning Checklist

Posted by Missy in Guest Posts | 31 comments

Today’s the day: the first in a series of guest posts here on Wonder, Friend! Today’s guest is the talented Genie in a Blog, my friend Leigh Ann. I’m so fortunate to know her in real life, and am thrilled to share her writing here today!

Let’s get right to it…

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The other day I was perusing the mother of all time sucks, Pinterest, and found what could be a life changing thing for me: a Daily Quick Cleaning Checklist that boasts that even I can get my entire house in order with only 30 minutes a day.

Sign me the freak up! I have a house. It’s not very neat, thanks to the three small children who make the messes and a good dose of laziness on my part. Surely I have 30 measly minutes in which I can complete this checklist, right?

Okay, let’s get started. The kids have just finished breakfast, so this is my prime time to get something done before they realize I’m not really there with them and start to self destruct.

Kitchen

Clear out and wipe down the sink, put dishes in dishwasher (5 minutes): Right! Thanks to my superior mothering skills, my kids have already brought their dishes to the sink. The husband has not. Lament extra seconds wasted in gathering his dishes. Get to loading dishwa–GAH! Kink in the plan! I run my dishwasher at night, and now I have to unload. Okay, deep breaths. This’ll only take about 5 extra minutes. A nice clean house in 35 minutes instead of 30 isn’t the end of the world. Sip coffee. Now stop talking to yourself and load load load! Oh, wait. Serious drama in the living room over a plastic frog. Must referee.

Wipe down countertops and stove (1 minutes): This one I can do. I knew lack of available counterspace would come in handy. Sip more coffee. Man, it’s good. Wiping, wiping…okay whose McQueen is this? Ooh look! A coupon for $.75 off mayonnaise! Where’s my coupon file…meh just put it back on the counter. Sip more coffee. Glance at the stove with it’s egg spatters and Cheerio crumbs and call it a lost cause. I don’t want to fall farther behind schedule!

Wipe problem spots on the floor (2 minutes): I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Exactly which problem spots are you giving me 2 minutes to wipe up? How do I choose? If this is an all or nothing game, I think I have to skip this one. Besides, I’m being summoned to the bathroom. May as well give up in here and get to work in there, right?

Bathroom

Wipe out the sink (30 seconds): You’d think this would be my sweet spot, what with all the time I spend in here waiting for various children to do their business so I can be their butt butler. Two minutes in and all I’ve done is pretended to be Holly to my kid’s McQueen…yes, while she was doing her business.

Leave bathroom to hand out post potty bananas because when did it get to be 10:30? (2 minutes): And yes I washed their hands.

Wipe the toilet seat and rim (15 seconds) and swoosh the toilet bowl with a brush (15 seconds): Yeah, that sounds gross. I’m going to save myself 30 seconds and leave that one for my knight in shining Clorox. I’ll just close the lid instead. Problem solved. *wipes hands together in satisfaction*

Squeegee the shower door (30 seconds): Ha! I don’t even have any shower doors! Man, I’m getting through this list like gangbust–OMG what is going on in there??? Do NOT step on your baby sister! Oh, you were “just kidding?” I’ll step on you and show you “just kidding!”

Stand in middle of house trying to remember what you were doing before your pesky children interrupted you (60 seconds): I’m really good at this one.

Bedroom

Make your bed (2 minutes): Easy peasy. I’m glad this part of the checklist doesn’t include “do something about all that laundry laying over your footboard.”

Do something about all that laundry laying over your footboard (4 minutes): Gah! They got me. Fold t-shirts reluctantly. Shoot dirty looks at overflowing laundry basket in corner. Laundry basket does not respond by sorting itself into color piles or walking itself to the washer. Children have now climbed into bed, tossed pillows askew, and knocked folded clothes on the floor.

Straighten nightstand (30 seconds): Sorry, it took me 30 seconds just to collect all of last night’s snot rags from these blasted cedar allergies.

Living Room

Tidy the sofa (2 minutes): Straighten cushions and pillows, fold throws, watch as three children run in and one by one throw themselves over the back of the couch. Straighten cushions and pillows, fold throws, watch as three children run in and one by one throw themselves over the back of the couch. Straighten cushions and pillows, fold throws, watch as three children run in and one by one throw themselves over the back of the couch.

Pick up crumbs with a handheld vacuum (1 minute): Um, I actually don’t have a handheld number. Besides, my husband loves to vacuum. I’ll save that job for him and the crumbs for the dog. I will, however, pretend I didn’t see that shriveled up grape under the couch. Ew.

Clear major clutter (5 minutes): This is fancy talk for “get rid of the children,” right? Come on. You know it takes me at least 10 minutes to get shoes and socks on just one of them.

Oh hell, why bother? It’s almost 5 pm and time to go mess up my kitchen again. But tomorrow? I’m gonna own that list!

So I wonder…

:: Do you too feel like you are fighting a losing battle with the housework?

:: Is there any point in getting anxious about it?

:: Are you jealous that my husband loves to vacuum? (because that part wasn’t a joke–he does.)

***

About The Writer

Leigh Ann Torres is a writer, artist, wife, mother, cook, maid, bookkeeper…all around genie in a bottle, except you only get one wish, and it has to be reasonable. She lives with her family in Austin, TX, where she writes about the good, the bad, and the ridiculous of life with twins plus one at Genie in a Blog. You can also follow her at @latorres or on the Genie in a Blog Facebook page.

31 comments

Age Inflicted Aches and Pains

Posted by Missy in Fitness | 14 comments

A few birthdays ago. I should probably stretch and warm up before blowing out candles this year.

My birthday is this week. {I’ll pause while you whoop it up in my honor.}

I’m closing in on 40, and as of this week have only two more years to be a 30-something. I know some of my readers are thinking so young! and others are thinking banana peel, grave!

I’ll tell you what I’m thinking: aging is no joke.

I read magazines. I’ve seen the warnings and the tips. I’ve seen an article a month for the last two decades about the aging process.

How to Turn Your Supermarket Into A Time Machine: Foods That Stop Aging in Its Tracks!

Your Boobs Are Old: Medical Tests You Must Have in Your 40s!

Straight From Hogwarts, We Have Magical Face Creams: Caring for Your Older Skin!

How to Make the Best of Your Coldwater Creek Credit Card Because You Can Barely Pull Off Banana Republic Or Gap and Don’t Even Think About H&M or Forever 21!

Over the years, reading these headlines led to a suspicion that our bodies change around the time we cross the threshold from 35-ish to old. Lately, my suspicions have been confirmed.

I expect things like deteriorating vision, slower metabolism, and an inability to work most technical devices. I did not expect daily life to become so hazardous just yet. I thought I had 30-40 more years before removing all the rugs to create a completely even walking surface.

So much for that. I offer you my latest list of aches and pains, and how I acquired them.

Injury: Sore shoulder.
Cause: Taking off a sports bra.

Injury: Strained gluteus maximus muscle.
Cause: Uh, no idea. Sitting, maybe. Or squating down to pick up one of my orthotic shoe inserts?

Injury: Achy, popping elbow.
Cause: Sleeping.

Injury: Twisted knee.
Cause: Putting on tights.

Injury: Stiff hip joints.
Cause: Sitting criss-cross apple sauce at the Little Gym.

Injury: Pinched nerve in my neck.
Cause: Sneezing.

I wonder…

:: I frequently forget that I’m not in my 20s, but there are days when my body won’t let me forget. Do you ever feel surprised by changes in your physical abilities (we’re not even going there with brain power… that’s a whole different post. What was I saying? Oh, yeah, I wonder…)?

14 comments