It’s Not a Couch, It’s a Learning Lab
That sounds sophisticated. Much too sophisticated for what I’m doing here.
I’m wallowing in my pajamas, looking six kinds of pitiful, my heel wrapped in ice. I’m not doing one thing that contributes to society in a positive manner.
I hurt my heel. Or as I choose to look at it, my shoes hurt my heel. It went like this: I was fine, I bought new shoes, I jogged in those shoes, I cannot walk today.
This morning I hopped out of bed and pain shot through my heel, causing me to stop breathing. I had to decide which was the lesser of two evils: fainting from the pain as I hobbled to the bathroom or wetting my pants.
I fell back into bed and prayed my bladder could hold out. Eventually I did make it to the bathroom, but I haven’t managed to do much else today.
This is a fabulous start to my triathlon training.
Rather than use my time constructively today, I watched a lot of TV. You know when people say there’s nothing good on TV during the day? Those people are wrong. I wouldn’t want to spend every day in this spot, or even more than about one day a year, but I learned some stuff today.
What I Learned During My Convalescence
- Hoda and Kathie Lee are nutty. Those ladies are either morning show geniuses (geniusi?) who will do anything for a laugh, or they’re plain crazy.
- It’s hard to get out of mom mode. I was flipping through the guide and instinctively paused to see what was on the kid channels. I’d seen that episode of Phineas and Ferb, though, so I moved on.
- There are finally new episodes of Cash Cab. When I’m in New York City I spend all my time looking for minivan cabs. It’s not because I think I would do well on the show; it’s because I have a bit of a crush on Ben. My ultimate dream: riding in the Cash Cab with a really smart person. That way, I get to meet Ben and win some cash to pay for my trip.
- There is now a Cash Cab Chicago. It’s not as good as the original. I think that’s a universal truth: copies, knock-offs and sequels are rarely as good as the original.
- I don’t particularly care for doing crafts, but today I learned that I like to watch other people do crafts. I watched almost two hours of The Martha Stewart Show. I actually rewound at one point so I could more closely study how Hannah Milman soaked, shaped and trimmed a grapevine wreath to make it an oval shape. Also, if you can bake, I would not be sad if you made this and sent it to me: Yeasted Chocolate Coffee Cake.
- I’ll watch anything with the words The Real Housewives of… in the title.
- Watching daytime TV eliminates any questions you may have about the source of America’s weight problem: every food or restaurant advertised features obscene quantities of cheese. In other news, I’d sell my kids for a pizza right about now.
- I already knew this, but today it was confirmed once again. A giggling baby is the sweetest sound on the planet. This video, featured today on both Ellen and Today (are we getting the picture about exactly how much TV I watched today?) is pure goodness:
- My kids laughing while watching that baby laugh was priceless. I could have captured the moment on video and made millions on You Tube (that’s how it works, right?), but that would have required walking.
- Per the look on the FedEx guy’s face, I cannot pull off the “casually messy unwashed for three days” hair look. I didn’t actually learn that from TV, but I did learn it during my TV time.
:: When was the last time you convalesced?
:: Do you know anything about this heel pain of mine? Are you an expert with shoes, running, bio-mechanics, etc.? Help me!
:: Please don’t judge me for squandering my time today. Well, judge if you must. But don’t tell me about it. I know, that’s not a question.