Proven Strategies for Dealing With Disappointment

I recently had an unsettling day. No, it was a spectacularly disappointing and embarrassing day.

This day came on top of days and days of bad news about Japan. Heartbreaking news. Unfathomable destruction.

This day came on top of sad news from a friend.

This day. It was the cherry on my shitty, low-fat, froyo sundae.

You’ve had days like these. Do not – I repeat, Do Not - tell me if you haven’t. We won’t be able to be friends anymore and that would lead to another ugly, downward spiral for me. To protect my sanity, please play along. Tell me you understand what it’s like to be up to your eyeballs in disappointing, upsetting, unsettling news.

But life goes on, and so do we. Just how we do it is a mystery.

Oh, wait. I was so impressed with my poetry until I remembered that those are the lyrics to the Empty Nest theme song.*

Apropos words, though, yes?

Life does go on, so we have to figure out how to get back on the train without wanting to throw ourselves from it.

My gifts to you, friends, are some proven strategies for what I like to call the Wallow, Rinse, Repeat, But Don’t Repeat Again Because Your Hair is Not That Dirty and Your Life Is Not That Bad, So Now It’s Time to Get Up and Move On process.

You can employ these individually if you wish, or in any combination and order. I mean, for crying out loud, the last thing you need is one more person telling you that your way is not quite good enough. Am I right? So there are no rules here; merely suggestions.

Bad Day Pants

  • Make your loved ones tolerate the Bad Day Pants. Do not apologize for pairing your pants with a shapeless, over-sized Turkey Trot tee shirt. Or for the way the horizontal stripes make your ass look three times its normal size.
  • Create a list of unreasonable demands and watch your husband scurry to meet your requests. Husbands will do anything to make the tears stop. Here are some suggested demands:
    • A McD’s shamrock shake for dinner, but not from the McD’s close to your house. You just know the manager there is not properly overseeing shake production. Your shamrock shake must come from the less convenient McD’s a few miles down the road.
    • Ask him to watch a Nanny marathon with you. Not just sit there while you watch, but really pay attention. Explain that you need someone with whom to discuss the nuances of the show. That Niles the butler, he is a stitch, isn’t he?
    • Open his search engine to a reflexology tutorial. Put your feet in his lap. Wiggle your toes and sigh heavily until he figures out the amazing mind-body connection located in our feet.
    • (This is also a great time to get him to agree to kitchen and bath remodels. Anything to make the tears stop, remember?)
  • This may seem like a duh, but I can’t highly enough recommend infomercial shopping. A lighted craft paper slicer, complete with 85 different blades, is enough to turn around any bad day.
  • I forgot – you need something to wash down your milkshake. And, uh, the fries. What? You know how milkshakes kind of coat your mouth with sugar? The best remedy is alcohol (another duh, but here comes the advice, stick with me, people). Nobody in your state needs to have delicate stemware in her hand, so drink straight from the vessel. Through a bendy straw.
  • Move from the infomercials to catalogs. You know all those catalogs that show up at your home unbidden, because seven years ago you ordered something from the parent company’s now defunct linen outlet? Those catalogs are chock full of amazing things that you need. I just love the reusable coffee cups that look exactly like disposable, paper coffee cups. Oh, those are so clever.

Finally, when you’ve maxed out the credit card and drained your box of wine, you’ll be ready. Ready to cry on the shoulder (or inbox or phone line) of someone who loves you even when, after six straight hours of crying jags, you resemble Mickey Rourke.

Sob, whine and moan, why, why, why?

Then allow your loved one to build you back up a bit. Wipe the tears. Pull yourself together, and for heaven’s sake take off those pants.

Move on, because you owe it those you love.

You owe it to yourself.

I wonder…

:: What’s your bad day strategy?

*Yet another TV theme song cluttering my brain.

14 Comments

  1. Bad Days.

    Oh, bad days are horrible. Awful.

    You just have to work through them, can’t go around them.

    And they give you a softer heart for the next time you see someone suffering through one.

    They keep us humble.
    Alexandra´s last [type] ..Beautifully Bilingual – Your Child Talking Guest Post

  2. Atta girl.

    Sometimes, out of a really bad day (I’ve had them a time or twelve) comes great blog fodder. I love how you turned a tough day into something really funny.

    I won’t tell you what to do with this piece of writing. You already know what to do. :)

    I hope things start looking up for you soon.

    xoxo
    gigi´s last [type] ..The 10 Rules of Kids Getting Sick

  3. First those pants are awesome! Sorry for having a rough day, I had one of those last week. Seriously it was so bad I didn’t send my son to school. AND my awesome hubby brought me home a shamrock shake too! Funny how it actually made me feel better…You are so talented :) I hope you are feeling better.

  4. Love those bad day pants. I need a pair just like them. My strategy involves the consumption of a giant hot fudge sundae, a face-creasing nap, and the planning of many completely unaffordable vacations. In addition to everything stated above.

    Hope today is better…

  5. So funny! You are making me want a Shamrock Shake. I’ve never tried one. Could you mix vodka with that? That would probably be pretty bad, right? Imagining drinking one with a bendy straw right now… Another thing…what’s wrong with those pants? I wish pajama jeans would come in that style.

    When I have a really bad day, I call my sister. That usually makes it all better. :)

  6. dude, salty + sweet = heaven!

    I think a shamrock shake and fries is an ideal dinner! Though I totally laughed that you wanted the shake from a certain McD’s.
    liz´s last [type] ..Business UnEthics

  7. Go directly to the bathroom, get into a hot shower and cry cry cry. Also acceptable? Reality TV and a trip to Dairy Queen.

    Those are some hot bad day pants. Wish mine were that cool! Seriously!
    Amanda´s last [type] ..Its that time again

  8. I need me a pair of those pants. And a shake. With a side of fries.

  9. I’m not fond of bad days, but I’m pretty sure that your bad day strategy is way better than anything I could come up with!
    I may have to borrow it sometime!

  10. First off, LOVE the pants! HA HA HA! I love the way you handle it with wine and shakes but I would have to add a good ole box of chocolates to that too.

    Hope you’re feeling better now hon…
    Elaine´s last [type] ..So- an unfortunate thing happened and other ramblings

  11. Husbands really will do anything to make the tears stop huh? Maybe I need to go on a crying jag because I REALLY do NOT want to organize the closets.
    KLZ´s last [type] ..Baby Talk- Guest Post from Amanda Austin

  12. Um…can we be best friends?

    I feel so connected to you because you quoted the Empty Nest theme song! Seriously, I googled that show once JUST to make sure that I hadn’t made the whole thing up in my head (nobody seems to remember it!).

    Also, Shamrock shake is on my to do list for tomorrow, all thanks to you. I hope it will keep a bad day at a safe distance.
    tiffany´s last [type] ..Enjoy Candles AgainNo Flame Required! GIVEAWAY!!!

  13. Dude, I’ve been in a perpetual bad day for weeks now and I can’t even remember the last time I changed my pants but I have a good reason. I can’t bend.
    Music helps me.
    Eating my weight in cookies.
    Making fun of my husband.
    Kimberly´s last [type] ..Thank You For Loving Me

  14. Sorry to hear about your bad day, but this was hilarious. And I WILL be expecting a giveaway soon of some striped “bad day pants.”
    Leigh Ann´s last [type] ..Im a good guest

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