Kill Your Darlings
That, up there, the title of this post, is indisputably wise counsel from an indisputably wise writer. We just aren’t sure which wise writer, exactly. Most say William Faulkner, and some say Mark Twain. And some say nobody ever really said it at all.
Whoever said it, or didn’t say it, was referring to words, sentences, passages in writing. Every writer has experienced the need to murder a favorite line, or even an entire piece, of writing. Sometimes the writing is beautiful, lyrical, moving… and wrong. Sometimes a sentence, lovely though it is, doesn’t add anything to the story. Or worse, it detracts from the story.
Today I’m appropriating this guidance and applying it to Wonder, Friend. I’m not killing a sentence or a passage. I’m killing Wonder Why Wednesday. Well, not killing, exactly. More like putting it in a medically induced coma.
I make no guarantees. Wonder Why Wednesday may resurrect one day, but for now it’s going the way of Rick Schroder. You know he’s still out there and he’s doing okay, but you don’t see him around much. You can always visit Wonder Why Wednesday in the archives, and just when you think it’s gone forever, I might bring it back. Options, they’re open.
Go ahead, take a moment. Grab a tissue, shout, why, oh why? to the heavens. Or shrug your shoulders and say, Whatevs. (I know, I don’t say that either – I am way to old for a Whatevs. I’m almost too old for Whatever. Almost.)
The thing is, Wonder Why Wednesday has become an annoyance. A burden. I kind of hate it. Blogging is a lot of things, and it means something different to everyone. I’m still trying to figure out exactly what it is for me, and where I’m going to take this blog. But one thing I am certain of is that Wonder, Friend, while primarily a writing outlet, should be fun.
Wonder Why Wednesday is sucking the fun.
Don’t get me wrong: I almost always like the topics (full disclosure: I like some weeks better than others) and I really love your comments. What I don’t like is the constraint of a weekly feature. I’m all for schedules. I love routines. But somehow, in the confines of this blog, the weekly commitment to a why-themed post is not working for me.
I suspect there will still be a Why? post now and then, but I’m playing fast and loose with the schedule. I need the freedom to try some new things with Wonder, Friend and letting go of Wonder Why Wednesday is one piece of embracing that freedom.
So. There you are. Happy Wednesday to you, and here’s to freeing up some space in the blog.
I wonder…
:: Have you ever had to let go of a commitment, whether by your own choosing or due to circumstances beyond your control?
:: If so, how did you feel about quitting, for lack of a better word?
:: If you’re a blogger, do you ever feel hemmed in by features or memes that your host?
:: Do you think it’s okay to switch up things on your readers? (I do think it’s okay, but I can handle it if you disagree with me, so feel free to voice your opinion in the comments!)
read moreNot Dead Yet! And Toothbrush Troubles (Wonder Why Wednesday on Thursday)
My title today is one of my favorite lines from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. (The not dead yet part of the title, that is. Not the toothbrush part.) I think of it often when life beats me down. You may hack away at me, leaving me limbless, but I’m not dead yet.
Honestly, this week was not bad and I didn’t even feel like anyone was swinging an ax at my appendages. What this week was, however, was busy.
I single parented for a couple days, which in and of itself was not awful. I rocked it, actually, but I do need to say this to all single parents: YOU ARE AMAZING. God bless you. It’s one thing to rock it solo for two days, quite another to do so every day. Any time I’m on my own with the kids, I find myself saying a prayer for the single parents out there.
What made this week busy was the constant changing of the diapers. The gross, icky, sick diapers. That’s all I’m going to say, because I know you don’t want to read about it. Also, the last time I blogged about that, it resulted in some weirdos landing on my site thanks to their very odd internet searches.
As illness goes, this has not been the worst week we’ve ever had around here. I’d have to say that overall it hasn’t been even in the Top 5. I just realized early on, however, that my time was going to be best spent keeping the kids alive, the house in order, and my sanity in check. And therefore, I was absent from the internet. Even Twitter. Gasp.
Since I know you’ve been pining away, wondering where I was, why I haven’t read your blog or written a single word on mine, I thought you deserved the above explanation. {Again, I long for a sarcasm button.}
We missed Wonder Why Wednsday. And by we, I mean me. You are not responsible for Wonder Why Wednesday, so let go of that guilt.
I was going to replace it with something cute, like Thoughtful Thursdays, but that made me want to barf. Who needs cute and thoughtful? Instead, I’m just throwing out a quick why? thought…
I have a fancy, schmancy Sonicare toothbrush. Doesn’t everyone have some sort of electric or battery powered, spinning, vibrating toothbrush these days? I am no exception. My teeth no longer feel clean enough with just a plain, old school, toothbrushing. I must have the power.
But here’s the thing: I cannot handle the power.
I, the very neat and tidy woman that I am, make an enormous mess almost every time I brush my teeth. It should be simple – don’t turn on the brush until it’s safely inside a closed mouth. Right?
No.
I encounter some sort of slip up almost every time I brush.
I accidentally hit the on button when the brush isn’t in my mouth. I accidentally open my mouth while brushing (again, seems like a no brainer that I would keep my mouth closed, but apparently not). I drop the toothbrush while it’s still turned on (I have zero explanation for that).
My bathroom mirror is assaulted several times a day, thanks to my toothbrush. I do clean it, so you can wipe that smug ewww, her bathroom mirror is covered in spit look off your face.
So I wonder why I’m toothbrush deficient? Oh, and do you have any modern convenience tools that are just too much for you to handle?
read moreWonder Why Wednesday: Human Alarm Edition
My kids are good sleepers. Usually.
We have our issues, of course, because they are kids and are required by some unwritten law to test every boundary, pushing the limits of parental patience. I wrote once before about my oldest’s ninja-like stealth after bedtime, and we have our share of bad dreams and teething-related night wakings. You know, typical kid stuff.
For the most part, however, we have been very blessed. Aside from infrequent, random bad nights, the boys have historically been easy nighttime kids.
Until this week.
I believe the little one may be some sort of toddler genius. I think he can tell time. I also believe he has crafted an alarm system that is connected to my bedside alarm, whether psychically or through some complicated mechanical process developed by the toddler genius himself. The reason I suspect this is that for the last week, maybe a bit longer, that child wakes up five to ten minutes before my alarm is set to go off. Like clockwork. His crafty alarm system wakes him, and he begins chatting, singing, crying and generally making a whole lot of noise.
I don’t know about you, but there are few things more annoying than waking up, or being woken up, out of a peaceful sleep and realizing that you do not have the luxury of going back to dreamland. Oh, I know. What a sad, first-world problem. I’m not saying this is a serious, deep issue that needs national attention. I’m just saying it’s annoying. Really, really annoying.
My goal is to get up before the children do and accomplish a few things. I try to write a little, check emails, attempt some quiet time, do a chore or two, take a shower… What I do during that time varies from day-to-day, but the point is that it’s my time. I’m not a morning person, but now that I have kids I’m not really a night person, either. Those little suckers wear me out and I am usually drooling on myself by bed time. So the morning is my one chance to face the world with a little bit of clarity.
This morning routine takes a lot of discipline on my part. (Full disclosure: I fail, often, and go back to sleep after hitting snooze. I am not proud of this.) I’m not very flexible before my first cup of coffee, and I don’t exactly roll with it. If I’m going to suck it up and get out of my super comfortable bed, then it better be on my terms. I find it really irritating to have my wake up time dictated by the kids. They dictate so much of my day, and though it’s admittedly selfish, I want my mornings to myself. Dammit.
So back to the human alarm. How do I know toddler genius has created this complicated alarm system? Well, I can’t be certain, since in spite of his highly advanced time-telling and clock-building skills, the little guy has a limited vocabulary. He lacks the words to explain how he’s accomplishing his current feat. All I know is that he is eerily accurate. I’ve tested him by varying my alarm times, and it doesn’t matter. He starts his jabbering within about 10 minutes of when my alarm is set to go off. It’s creepy.
I wonder why kids are able to do stuff like this?
Is it because we’re so deeply, emotionally connected to our kids? Is it because they are tiny Dr. Evils and want to control our every move? Is it because they don’t want us to have any peace and quiet, ever, and will go to great lengths to be included in our every waking moment? What is it with these little people?
read moreWonder Why Wednesday: Not Again Edition
I was working on this post about comedy and wanted to include clips, so I spent about two hours (cumulative – not all at once) skipping around YouTube and I have nothing to show for it. A few new laugh lines, perhaps, but nothing resembling a cohesive piece of written work. I shelved that post until I can gather my thoughts in a nice, neat package.
Then I thought now what am I going to do for Wonder Why Wednesday this week? Why did I commit myself to a weekly feature? Why?
I love Wonder Why Wednesday, but I wish we only had two Wednesdays every month instead of four.
So that’s it:
Why do things that once sounded so good, that we once loved, sometimes lose their luster? What do you do when that happens?
read moreWonder Why Wednesday: Routine Edition
I typically know where I’m going when I sit down to hammer out a blog post. I always start out with a plan. A goal. Frequently, I end up detouring, and it’s not unusual at all for a post to end up in a completely different spot than I expected. But I start with a plan.
Today you are in for a treat. I have no idea where I’m going. For me, this is risky.
My handful of regular readers may have noticed there hasn’t been anything new in this space for a while. I thought about apologizing for my absence and explaining it away. I’m not going to do that. My brief absence was unanticipated, as usual, because I’m not one of those business-like, plan ahead bloggers. Maybe one day I will be, but not yet.
When I’m not writing, I’m often not reading, either. There were something like 470 unread items in my reader and email. I will never catch up and won’t even pretend to try. We’re starting fresh. Again.
Nice to meet you.
So. What’s on my mind this morning? The routine, or the lack of one, as has been the case lately.
We’re big on routine around here. Last week we spent the night at my parents’ house, and I had the opportunity to share a room with H. If you’ve ever had the privilege of sharing a room or a bed with a four year old, you know it’s not a particularly restful experience. H rustles around a lot, has partial wakings, occasionally talks in his sleep and is generally somewhat noisy. In the morning I asked him how his night was and mentioned that I noticed a lot of activity coming from his bed.
Mom, I do that every night.
I wake up, I rustle around, then I go back to sleep. I rustle arrrrouuuund. I go back to sleep. I rustle arrrrouuuund. I go back to sleep. I rustle arrrrouuuund. I go back to sleep.
It’s just my routine.
The entire discussion made me laugh, but the fact that he used the word routine was especially funny. I was not aware of how clued in the kids are to my attempt for some regularity to our days. I assumed they felt safe and relaxed, but that perhaps they didn’t fully grasp why they felt that way. Turns out, H at least is paying attention enough to catch on, and to know all the buzz words that Mark and I throw out when we’re talking about our plans, schedules and routines.
I have always wanted to be a laid back, roll with it girl. At times, I can be that girl. I don’t need every minute of every day planned out. I am 100% okay with not knowing what we’re going to eat for dinner until 30 seconds before I start cooking. (Mark is not okay with this. He would prefer to know weeks in advance, but barring that option, he would like to know what we’re eating for dinner by the time he is finished with breakfast. Poor man married the wrong woman.) I need to know when, approximately, we’re eating, but I don’t need to know what we’re eating.
With regard to the big picture, long term stuff I can also roll with it. A bit. I feel like we have little – or no – control over most of what’s coming our way. What’s the saying? Man plans, God laughs. Amen, my sisters and brothers. While I want to have a directional idea and a goal, I do not get caught up in the minutiae. I know I’ll just end up disappointed. I really, really have a hard time changing course after my mind is set. Therefore, I try not to get too set on any one endgame. I have learned to mentally leave room for change.
So what I’m talking about here is the day-to-day grind. My children and I thrive on a routine. When we’re without a schedule for too long, you can forget about it. We all lose our minds. That’s kind of what happened over the last couple weeks (perhaps an explanation for my lack of blogging, but as I said, I offer no excuses).
The month of August was our free month. No school. No camps. No VBS. No vacations. Just us, hanging out. Oh, it sounded so good on August 1. By August 31 we were stark, raving lunatics.
H took to asking me, roughly 52 times every day, “What fun are we going to do? Do we have any plans for something exciting?”
And P? That little one was quite literally attempting to climb the walls.
It did not matter if we got out and did something active every day – and we did. As I watched the month of August unravel, I realized that physically and mentally stimulating activities are only a piece of the puzzle. The other, bigger, more important piece is the routine.
When we know what’s coming next, we have a better time right now. When we have an idea of what tomorrow brings, we enjoy today.
My guess is that we’re not alone in this need for a routine. Give my family a huge chunk of free time and we can’t handle it. We come unhinged without even realizing what’s happening to us. My guess is that a lot of people, particularly those with small children, thrive on having a plan. We are all so thankful that preschool is once again in session and our weeks will now have a more consistent rhythm.
And I wonder why that is?
:: Why do you need (or not need, if that’s the case) a routine?
:: I wonder why we (my family) really do fit the old adage about getting more done with less (time, that is)?
:: I’d love to hear any stories you have about your reaction, or your family’s reaction, to a lack of routine.
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