Things That Go Bump in the Night
Listen, kids, it’s that time of year when spooky, creepy, and eerie are at the forefront of your minds.
The other day, you were certain you saw “a ninja, or a bad guy, or maybe a monster dressed all in black” leaping from rooftop-to-rooftop in the ‘hood. Never mind that it was 3:30 p.m., and even the dumbest monster knows that wearing all black isn’t going to hide them in the middle of the afternoon. A true criminal mastermind would get an outfit made of roofing shingles (Note to bad guys and monsters: you can work mid-day if you develop Suburban Rooftop Shingle Camo.).
Your imaginations are running wild, the scarier the better. Here’s the thing, kids – it’s Friday night, and it may get a little noisy around here after you go to bed. We don’t want worry to keep you awake; it’s been a long week and you need your rest. Any noises you may hear can be explained.
You’ll probably hear us banging… the drawers shut as we put away laundry.
You might hear some roars… out of the vacuum cleaner.
Don’t worry if you hear something that sounds like moans… it’s only the loose handle on the mop.
That panting-like breathing sound… is the broken spray bottle of bathroom cleaner (Note to self: get a new spray bottle.).
If you hear a squeak from Mom and Dad’s room, that is us… flipping the mattress and fixing a loose screw in the headboard.
When you hear groaning… it’s Mom, stretching as tall as possible to make her Swiffer duster reach the spider webs on the light fixtures.
All that sweaty work is going to make us thirsty, so you may hear a crash from the kitchen… it’s the wonky ice-maker, hurling cubes at us (Note to self #2: have ice-maker checked out.).
Because kids? As I mentioned, it’s Friday night after a very busy week. This house is a wreck, and we don’t have time to worry with it on Saturday or Sunday. That means tonight, Mom and Dad have to get busy… cleaning.
It’s true kids, few things are more frightening than the Friday night plans of married people with children.